Thursday, October 30, 2008

i gave u a chance...
and u wrecked ur last chance...

so! congratulations!!!

i've said this more than once..
and i've told u alot of times also..
u know i hate it when ppl 放我飞机，放我鸽子。

i'd rather u be like some of my friends.
only ask ppl out when u confirm 100% plus chop plus guarantee that u free.
if not, dun ask...
wait for ppl to ask u out. and if u cannot confirm, it's ok to say 'i duno'!!!

i wun blame u if u say a million times 'i duno' and dun turn up.
cos the thing is... u didn't confirm that u coming.
i CAN'T blame u...

but if u confirm everything den last minute dun turn up. i probably wouldn't talk to u.

everytime i ask a friend along, u say it's ok. den u dun turn up...
if i'm a person who cares abt 'face', abt 'pride', what do u think my friends will say and think.

it's not the first time u've done this to me.
i've already said.
if u dun turn up this time, u can delete my number from ur contacts.
i wun reply to any msgs or ur calls at all...
i wouldn't switch off my phone... but i wouldn't answer or anything..
if u really wan to talk to me, all u can do is find an unknown number.. den i will probably answer ur damned call.

p.s. , i hate u alot. there's no way i'm gonna give u another chance.

and there's no such thing called disappointment.
i duno of such feeling.
i only know of anger and being pissed off...

the thoughts flowed.. {9:39 AM}
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Friday, October 24, 2008

feeling bilingual today, so might blog 'bilingually'.

anyway, i hate the feeling of being 'framed'. have hated it, always will hate it.
and i feel so accused... totally no mood to do any shit.
shall appear offline.

i dun think that i should be the only one being reprimanded.
all my revised tax invoices are changed BECAUSE SOMEBODY TOLD ME TO!!!

i dun change my tax invoices for fun lo....
i admit it's my mistake if i key wrong the unit pricing.... but when i change and issue revised tax invoice, it's the next day ma... immediate de wor.

den the 3 pieces that affect our statement of accounts, 2 is not my fault!!

wa liao. still wat 不知者无罪, i think is 放屁 lo...
不知者有罪oso de lo. den only send one bloody email. only say me...
the rest all fake de la?

all no wrong.. only i wrong lo. i immediately issue revised tax invoice, ppl nvr upload in is my fault lo. den ppl add in stuff and i got attach the email oso fake de lor... ALL OF THEM NO WRONG... ONLY I WRONG NIA... wa kao. i wrong at listen to them and stupidly follow their instructions. i wrong at when come in, nobody teach me anything, all i learn by myself. i wrong at too kaypo, help ppl look out for their overshipment. i wrong at heart too good, wan to avoid ppl get scolded. i wrong at everything wan act clever wan to make everything perfect. EVERYTHING ONLY I WRONG!!! WAN TO BLAME ME DEN IS CORRECT. BLAME ME CONFIRM WUN WRONG DE. wa liao. sibeh pissed off....

even pissed off oso keep in myself, nvr say out... see la... wat kinda nonsense. passive aggressive communicator. sibeh useless... hate myself oso.

the thoughts flowed.. {10:19 AM}
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

y? cos some ppl nvr teach properly...
nvr teach properly still ok...
ownself nvr DO properly...

lucky nvr kana scolded.
now whole stomach is fire.
do until very unhappy.
cos is NOT MY FAULT!!!

anyway.. trying my best to cool down.
it's not fair getting scolded when it's not ur fault.
and oso... anyway, i nvr get scolded..
so i'm kinda ok. just feel 'injusticed'..

nvm... watever.
just hate it.
like born to be scolded. to be prejudiced against.
everytime do things correct, no praises, do things wrong, get said.

21 years, almost everytime liddat... and u think i'd get used to it..

haiz. =/

P.S. some ppl nvr teach full de... always teach half, expect me to know everything. if i nvr ask, den when month end comes, den i nvr do, guess who will get scolded again? they NVR say the seniors who nvr finish teaching... cos it's not their b***** ******g fault. HMPH! i'm not trying to push the blame or any s***. but realise something? if i'm NOT the type that wonders and asks, do u think i'll EVER know?????? of course not right???? my goodness... i feel sooooooooo pissed..

did i type this post to emphasize on my strength???? NO!!! feeling super grumpy and F***** up.
i always hate it when it happens...GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the thoughts flowed.. {4:05 PM}
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是不是你猜透了我的半个心？
昨天说的东西，今天就做到了一半。
可是一半是不够的。

我的心的乱，总是不能平服下来。
所以做任何决定都一心两意。

想说。。。我真的只能当你是朋友。
因为我害怕。
害怕被伤害。

心里一直想着他。
我也没有办法接受你。
因为你以前伤我伤得太深了。

只想说一句：‘对不起。’
我陪着你的时候，希望你只把我当成朋友。
忘了我，找一个对你更好的女生吧。

the thoughts flowed.. {10:23 AM}
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Monday, October 20, 2008

it's been 5 yrs for us. more than 5 yrs of friendship...
yet, u still cannot understand me.

i can tell every next move that u are to take.. yet, u don't even know wat i'm thinking of.

ur actions touch me. but it's not enough.
u fit my every criteria. but i don't see u in my future.

i'm finding reasons to tell myself u r not the one... so that we don't hurt each other.
and i've found a reason.

a reason to account for rejecting u.
u don't know how to humor me.

u are my listening ear when i'm down, when i'm angry, when i'm bored, when i just need someone.
but leo and gemini are nvr meant to be together.

firstly, i'm unable to feel comfortable with u.
i'm only comfortable when i sms u.
when we're together, i don't know wat to say, and how to carry myself.
there's always a barrier put up around me when i'm with u.

it's not only my usual barrier towards people. it's an extra barrier.. to let u know that no matter what u do, we'll nvr go far. it's hard to avoid u. cos we r close friends.

but i can nvr think of u as my partner.

it's been a very weird friendship. we only talk for the sake of talking. all that feels so fake.
it feels like we don't know each other. the only thing that we know of the opposite party is all so superficial.

maybe it's also because u have unwittingly betrayed my trust. speaking of something that i will nvr tell my friend. that i choose nvr to trust anymore. it's the little things that u do that break me apart. that brings us apart.

this feeling is weird. i've nvr felt such ways towards a friend. that watever they do make me want to avoid them more.

sometimes, i really wonder if i should just lead a life without friends? a life that i have enough communication with my colleagues to bring me through my everyday work and enough communication to help me through my everyday life.

sometimes, it's 'friends' that hurt u more than anything else. especially when u least expected it...

the thoughts flowed.. {1:03 PM}
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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

感觉上，这里好像一个朋友都没有。
没有真正的朋友。

有些会和我沟通的人。
可是没有觉得自己融入得了这个公司。
这个地方给我的感觉，很陌生。

没有办法敞开心房，接受任何一个人。
只有敷衍的回应他们。

没有人记得我。
我也不喜欢厚着脸皮跟他们一起吃午饭。

好闷。
没有朋友，自己吃午餐。
有时和他们一起，也不说东西。
真得很无聊。

the thoughts flowed.. {2:15 PM}
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Monday, October 13, 2008

i'm... bored... nothing to do. later need to walk to the letter box to post company's letters..



anyway, really cannot understand y my brain keep thinking abt things that happened so long ago...

it's... painful...



i miss him a whole lot.. but i clearly know that it's probably not possible that we'll get together.

i just miss him... miss us.. how do i forget him?



he's the only regret in my life. regret letting him go. regret not doing the stuff that we could have done together. regret not telling him that i love him. really really regret. probably regretting together... cos the time wasn't right for the both of us.



we split for no reason. so it's still difficult for me to let go. difficult for me to accept. difficult for me to love another. denis chen khai wai.. 陈凯伟，我真的很爱你。

haiz... somebody... save me.... =/ y m i so useless...



sorry if everything i'm talking abt is the same thing. i'll try to talk abt other things the next round...

the thoughts flowed.. {5:33 PM}
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Wednesday, October 08, 2008

angry... at everything.

sick... of everything ALSO!

why can't people just get a Proper Life????

at home, i have to do every dumb thing when mum's not home...
it's like a certain somebody isn't there.

HELLO?!?!?! i need to do the laundry AND take it down?
heard something of taking TURNS????

Goodness!


den.... HELLO?!?!?!?!?!
i really really hate it when things dun turn out the way i planned.
that's y i say before le... i dun wan plan le.
let u plan.

cos everything always turn out like 'say say only'. u know i very angry ma?
i everytime control... control... but i'm only a 'xiao mei mei'. very pain u know?
really very upset leh... u know that u're my closest friend le... but everytime cos of him do this to me...
if i tell u not pain, u will believe ma?

everytime angry, still dun wan to show.
pretend that ok.
still msg as per normal, sometimes abit sarcastic.

but i already tell u le... already give u warning le...
'i going to give up le...'

today, check availability on badminton court, tell u say saturday got slot,
u said to book... wat would happen if i did? rip u apart into 2 pieces, one to accompany me, the other to accompany him?

come on lo... he is not gonna let u do that lo... even if he has half of u, he will still keep calling the other half till u return to him..

i already said le... i really hate it... alot... so please... spare me the pain.
i really wan times when we can go out and enjoy ourselves...
u know wat i want... u know wat u want.... y have to let him spoil things?
y have to let him control?...

i really duno wat to say. i hate to face anger... cos i know that one day, it will cause me to do things i will regret.

the thoughts flowed.. {8:05 PM}
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