Monday, December 31, 2007

i cun keep this inside me any longer...

when u questioned my responsibility.... when i threw away the vouchers that were meant to be passed out to customers..

it's hard trying to forgive. the wrong i have done, i can only admit. but do u admit your wrong doings? how should an in charge act? when farelists are out, you should be the one telling us wat to do, wat style would be implemented. wat would be given out. but did you? obviously not!

i was the one telling you wat we did with similar packages back then when ivy was around. did i say anything about you not being responsible? i dun think so. in fact, i think i offer comfort and sympathised with you when you were down and desperate for stock. not rushing you and constantly giving you reminders. how did you react? gratefully? only you would know.

i don't want to pick out the points that i had to help cover up.. the loopholes.. the inefficiency. and yet, all i got was lectures and being reprimanded when i made a mistake in giving information. am i not but a human being? do i not have emotions?

leaving of the company was partly due to the crazy pressure that would make anyody go crazy if they were not able to deal with it. the job scope that was supposed to be so clear and small extended beyond belief. a life so crazy that it is not the right way to live.

suk fen: 我不知道我已经变成了什么样.我已经不再是我了.对公司太失望了.对很多人很失望,对自己也失望.竟然做不到一年就要离开了.当我刚开始慢慢认识你们的时候,就要合你们分离.谢谢你一路的指导,让我开始认识这个复杂的世界.也让我要诉苦的时候有你在我的身边.不论你的心情如何,你都继续在我身边给予我鼓励.在公司的事上更是给予我帮助.让我不短的向前走,慢慢的成长和学习.真的是,谢谢你.我可能不是你最好的排党.可是,我还会继续做你的朋友.有什么事发生,不要忘记有我在.可以和我分享.

blog till here first bah... my train of thought lost it's track again.. haiz...

the thoughts flowed.. {11:03 AM}
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

都不知道自己做错了什么.
只是突然没有人要合我说话,没有人要告诉我什么事发生..
自己都快要发神经了,都没有人理会.没有人要管.

处处的关心着别人的感受,突然才想起忽略了自己.

我和你们的日子也不多了.
你们要这样对我,我也没办法.
只能希望离开你们的时候,我们还是朋友.

我祝福你们每一个.
希望大家能够开心的一起相处.
一起快乐.

大家保重.

the thoughts flowed.. {7:25 PM}
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firstly.... happy belated birthday suk fen!!!

den... next comes my little complaints of the day...
should i throw my hp away? it's pointless taking the phone cos the people i msg dun reply me... i feel so neglected.

so.. it's time to shrink my world into 'me, myself and i' again. the sense of isolation..

it felt so happy when i was invited to celebrate christmas out with ppl..

i duno wat i wana say... i'm losing my train of thought.. maybe i'm going crazy...

how to keep this to myself? it's so difficult it feels like my chest is bursting. the pressure.
like everything is stuck in my throat. i cun spit it out or swallow it down....
the pain... in my heart. can i cry?

the thoughts flowed.. {2:32 PM}
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

it's christmas!! happy. everybody gets presents.. exchange gifts.. and exchange smiles.. i'm bored. at work. nobody to pei me chat.. only the few that i'm not familiar with. slowly not missing u. slowly trying not to show that i care.. trying to find another person to care cos u think i care too much for u.

i'm.... a person who likes somebody else very easily... but i dun fall in love easily. i miss u... i like u... i wana hug u. wana know wat it feels like to be in ur arms. but it's nvr possible.

a short post cos i have lotsa stuff to do. not able to blog much... all my christmassy mood is floating away... i really really really miss u... ... ... ... ... ...

haiz... ...

would things have been different if i accepted *him when he was wooing me? when we were only in poly? wat do i do now? would we have been together till now? would i be his like he wishes to be mine?

but all in my mind now is only him.. the voice that i so like.. that i constantly listen to. the voice that i wish to hear every morning when i wake up and wish to hear before i sleep.

the thoughts flowed.. {9:10 PM}
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Monday, December 24, 2007

the tinge of unwillingness to leave. the heart ache that comes.. knowing that he will nvr be yours. knowing he will leave your side. knowing that there is nothing to be done.

being forced to leave a place that i can almost call home. where people are almost like family. just because of my dumb grades. just because i am unable to choose properly.

starting to get to know ppl here... but have to stop and decide what i want to do.
will i be getting a job after i quit? or will i just stay home for my next 2 yrs and rot?

if only i could work part time as a voucher staff. i feel like i 'dui bu qi' her....

saturday was a horrible emotinal roller coaster. cry and cry and cry. finally he admit he tender le. den that's the first time i cry. den he keeps talking abt it... den keep crying and crying and crying... den somebody else say wana leave (though is joking), i again cry... haiz... duno y so emo...

sunday... my aunt convinced me to quit my current job and focus on my studies. and she was saying if i need a job, i can tuition her daughter.. my cousin.. i duno... i'm super confused. cun really concentrate on my job. i feel so tired...

so helpless..

i wana hug u. and kiss u good bye. but u r not mine. haiz.

the thoughts flowed.. {1:40 PM}
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Friday, December 14, 2007

i'm stuck in a grey world. there's too many things happening. too little time to adapt.

why would a couple that seems meant for each other separate? y would they want to sacrifice their relationship after going through so much to be together?
what's the reason?
the obstacles that they had to go through to be together.. just to be apart in the end...

it's such a hateful feeling. so horrid. so painful.

the agony....

me leh... wan to have somebody to love oso hard... haiz.

is it me that tore them apart? everything is slipping away... every bit of my wat used to belong to me. my memories, my friends, my joy, my love, my strength, my sight, my hearing... the years that i am to belong to this earth.

more and more things not belonging to me is coming to me. problems, mistakes, displeasure...
so many vouchers... haiz

the thoughts flowed.. {10:26 AM}
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